Yes, you read that correctly. If someone were to ask me about 5 years ago if I was a feminist… yes! All day, every day, sign me up for the march and down with the patriarchy because women are oppressed and seen as inferior in society. Wrong. We are spinning our own toxic and oppressive narratives and robbing ourselves of our unique power by pushing these claims. This is not about bashing feminists. This is not about hate. This is about being self-aware and about growth. Opening your eyes and looking past your ego feed into reality and accountability. I love women and I love being a woman. Which is why it hurts my heart to see us so disconnected, and why I feel like it is my responsibilty to say something…even if it is widely disagreed with. I know it to be true. Period.
So here are 3 reasons why I’m not a feminist (anymore, lol. Growth!):
- Feminism implies that being feminine or being a woman — is wrong.
Once I started really dissecting the feminist movement, and seeing it for what it was and not what my ego needed it be, something really jumped out at me and did not sit right. In feminism, to be able, capable or equal — you must be like a man. Or move further away from feminine characteristics. Which is honestly absurd and borderline offensive to me!
I get it, as women sometimes based on how we look, what we wear, maybe even how we sound we aren’t taken seriously all the time. I would be ignorant not to acknowledge that. But this is the where we should be focusing the movement! Showing and proving that these qualities still make us strong and powerful, just in a different way. That I don’t have to walk, talk and dress like a man to be successful in a job. I can do it being who I am and standing in my truth. Not assimilating to manhood. It’s the opposite of the root word of feminism, which is feminine. That sounds like “Ok, duh.” But it’s not that obvious to everyone. We are doing the right thing, the wrong way.
If wearing a pantsuit to a meeting, makes you more comfortable and you feel like you’ll have a better impact… go off sis. But look to that option as just that — an option. Not a prerequisite.
2. We need men just as much as they need us.
Everything meaningful and impactful always goes back to one simple (but complex) concept: balance. We can not have logic without intuition. We can not have the light without the dark. We can not have the Sun without the Moon. Those are the facts. This being said, women and men need each other. Period. Just because men might be better at some things than women, doesn’t mean women are inferior. It just means we’re different. And the opposite is true for men. Think about it.
Who has been the driving force in planning and building our big cities and infrastructure since the beginning of time? Who not only creates the blueprints, but physically builds skyscrapers that are thousands of feet high? Who are the sanitation workers and oil rig workers? Who do 80%, if not more, of some of the most dirty and dangerous jobs in the world? Men.
But of course, there is the other side. The complimenting side. The yin to the yang.
Who are the people not only carrying and bringing life into this world, but also delivering it as well? Who are the teachers guiding the youth and the social workers making sure children have families? Who are the nurses and personal care aides? Women.
These are only a few examples, but are you starting to understand my point? Neither men or women are optional, and we all have essential places in our society and culture. That’s not to say that men and women can not do each others job, but let’s think about the facts. The numbers, the statsitics. I would not make a claim so bold and unpopular based on just opinion. Nine out of ten nurses are female. Mechanical and labor jobs are over 96% male. This is not the patriarchy. This isn’t oppression. This is human nature!
No one is saying women can’t do jobs that men can do. If you have a brain and live in the present, you are well aware of how capable and strong women are. You should also be aware, that men have feelings and things going against them too. This does not make women’s struggles any less significant. Men and women have dominance over certain fields for a reason. As women, we have to realize just because we can do something, doesn’t mean we should.
This doesn’t mean “Stay in your place, shut your mouth and get in the kitchen woman!”, which is what many women’s wounded egos usually hear. As women we tend to react not respond. The difference being, to react is to answer with a large amount of emotion, and to respond is to give an adequate and thoughtful answer for the situation. Emotion is amazing and powerful in moderation. Logic does not make you right all the time or make you smarter. It’s all about balance!
3. It’s not a movement anymore, it’s just an ego trip.
To put it simply, I believe a lot of women are subconsciously projecting. They feel inferior and incapable, whether it’s legitimate or not doesn’t matter. Because you are hurting yourself more than you think you are hurting the patriarchy. Feminism is now a movement that defends and even sometimes makes excuses for obnoxious and ignorant behavior because it gives women’s voices a power that has been taken lightly in the past and makes them feel meaningful. Which I get! But we then end up hurting the movement and the reputations of feminist more than helping it.
No one wants to have intellectual debates or even simple conversations with feminists anymore because they are proving the exact things that they are supposedly trying to fight against. Men can’t get any words or opinions in on a conversation anymore because the debate is fueled by anger and emotion. So there is not opportunity for understanding or growth.
You have to separate our internal traumas and biases from what you are trying to achieve, especially when talking to men. Because we’re just hardwired differently, they don’t respond to emotion for any other reason except guilt or sympathy (or love if they are someone close to you of course). There has to be a middle ground between being passionate and emotionally driven because of your passion, and being able to be accountable and talk to someone with a different opinion than you.
Now men have a lot of work to do as well! Please believe, I know this for a fact and am not putting all the fault on one side. I might even do another piece on my perspective of that. But I don’t really feel like that’s my place to call out men. I think a man should do that, especially in order for it to be received better. In this article, my responsibility was to the people that I share a spirit with — women. I love us so much. I love how we look, who we are, and what we can do. Which is why I can’t sit back and watch us get in our own way. I really hope this opened your eyes up to different conversations and allows you to have open-minded conversations.
Jane Fonda once said “We are not meant to be perfect, we are meant to be whole.” And that’s all I want for us all!
For more on my perspective on “the gender gap” but presented in an artistic and abstract way check out my poetry book avaliable on Amazon “Awake: an enlightened position”.
